Toxic Traits!

Hey Fam, how are you all doing today? It has been a minute and I would love to welcome you to August; my birth month and my mama’s birth month too. God is good guys and He alone deserves our praises! I am super grateful for August!

I uploaded the second episode of the Real Talks with Deespeakable Podcast last week; in which I shared a testimony that is dear to my heart. I will be dropping the link at the end of this post so you all can check it out, okur?!

I received an email from someone I admire so much whose name is Ife, but a lot of you know her as DANG (Diary of a Naija Girl). In this email, she shared some of her struggles with getting upset over comparison. It taught me a lot and inspired me to talk about something I have always wanted to talk about for a while now; toxic traits!

So basically, toxic traits are defined as behaviours that are super uncool! They are behaviours that are not just harmful to you but affect people around you. For example, lying, backstabbing, hating unnecessarily, jealousy, selfishness, cheating, some sense of unnecessary entitlement, and the rest of them. Oh, even pride!

I have also realized that we are too quick to point out people’s toxic traits and want to cut them off immediately, though I agree that sometimes, it is necessary to cut people off for your own mental and emotional well bi=being, I still feel like we fail to realize that we have got our lowkey toxic traits.

Yup, there is a possibility that you have toxic traits but most of the time we try to lie to ourselves that we do not and it is every other person around us that has issues. I have experienced it myself; I still experience it because yea I am human. I find myself disliking people or things for reasons that do not even make any sense.

I have seen people around me do stuff that comes from a place of jealousy, or hate, or entitlement, even pride but they are quick to tell you that it is not any of these things listed out.

I mean it is cool that we do not want to think that we are capable of being hateful, spiteful, or jealousy, but let us not deceive ourselves, sometimes it happens.

At the point when it happens, the worst thing you can do for yourself is to enter into a “self-denial” mood, trust me, you are on your way to officially be a bad person oh. Even the Bible says that the heart of man is desperately wicked, true but we know that we are capable of preventing our hearts from entering into the dark mood.

One thing that has helped me over time aside from God’s grace, of course, is self-evaluation. Yup, check yasef! Never, I repeat, never underestimate the power of self-evaluation. You are not above checking yourself to find out what is wrong because you do not have it all together fam.

A lot of us do not, just like Ife had to talk to her therapist about her issues with being so upset whenever she is being compared to someone else, I try to also ask myself certain questions when I find myself knowingly or unknowingly exhibiting some toxic traits.

Questions like; what is going on Martha? What do you think is making you feel this way?
When I think deep and realize why I have been doing what I have been doing, the next set of questions that pop up are; what are you going to do about this? What ways do you think you can improve? And of course, I hand it over to my Daddy Jesus to help me through it.

I once read that once you have identified a problem, it is no longer a problem. Can I get an amen?

Tell me Fam, how do you handle toxic traits?

What do you think?

Written by Desewa Martins

Writer. Blogger. Child of God. Foodie. A lover of everything beautiful who is driven by the passion to tell the stories and journey of the human lives through personal experiences.


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  1. Great post as usual. Always speaking on the real issue. Funny thing is I’ve been in a place where I have been evaluating myself a lot and addressing some of the toxic traits which I must grow past.
    I went to visit a friend who we not seen in a long while. She and I started the natural hair journey the same time. And I noticed that her hair was so long compared to mine. A bit of envy started to come in and then I started to beat myself up. But I caught myself and scolded myself saying it’s just hair, Anne. Stop demeaning your self because of hair.

    • I know right? Sometimes I wonder how we get to that point though but like you rightly said, a little scolding of self goes a long way.
      Thank you so much for sharing Anne, shows I am not alone in this lol!🤣🤣

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