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What Is Holding You Back?

Hey, fam!

So I realized that it has been a long time since we gisted. Oh well, here I am! ๐Ÿ˜

So one of my girlfriends called me two days ago and after much talk, she said the main reason she was calling was to remind me that her birthday is on Saturday (which is technically in a few hours). So I should start making plans for her and buying gifts.

For a minute I was like ‘ahan….aunty? How is it my problem? Am I your boyfriend? Lol’ After much laughs, we jumped to the topic of “how we have literally never had an actual boyfriend on our birthdays” Any dinner by the beach and breakfast by the lake….chaiiiii!๐Ÿ˜”.

I for one, I know that I haven’t had any, the one I can remember was nothing serious; all those after secondary school love, so I wouldn’t really count it as anything.

See Las Las eh… This love thing fit be major scam o. The only love I can attest for right now is God’s love for me, as for the others? Everybody should answer their daddies name.

Even though there’s no perfect person and it just takes your willingness and commitment to be with someone who is also genuinely committed to you; I still feel like there are a lot of people out there starting what they can not finish and entering into want they are not even sure they are ready for.

For me I have had my fair share; I am a very emotional person, I tend to build walls and put myself in a shell because when I eventually find a way to crawl out of it and it doesn’t work out. It hurts me, oh boy! It really does and moving past it is another struggle. It takes a while………..

Truth is, most of my relationships I have always been the one to love more, take bold steps, put in the fight… Kinda feels like I am the guy sometimes lol, I think it’s time to step back, I deserve better. I deserve to be chased, found, loved and cherished.

I recently read a book where the writer wrote: “what we call intimacy as adults are really allowing some other adult the privilege to see the child we hide in adult flesh. In their arms, we curl into the fetal position and make soft sounds, dream pleasant thought, and wake as children stretching in the morning light. We do these things because beneath our adulthood and suave demeanor, we long for someone who can make us feel safe enough to be a child again”.

Wawu! Oya na…..so meaning that as a ‘child’ the idea of our lover or spouse seeing and getting to know past, our vulnerability, our imperfections, our mistakes are entirely inevitable abi?

As sweet as this may sound, I think the real question is how many people would stick around when the ‘child’ in you comes to play? How many of us would support the ‘child’ regardless? Are we ready to correct with the left and embrace with the right instead of boarding the next available bus to Iyana lkpaja? ”

I know I am ready…but it does take two to tango y’all!

Birthday is coming up, still no boo but I have the E-boo-be-Chukwu (Ebubechukwu) so I am good to go and I am securing the bags for now.

For those of you in healthy and promising relationships, please I need past questions lol. For those who are not, what’s holding you back?

PS: Still counting down to my girl’s birthday ๐ŸŽŠ๐ŸŽŠ๐ŸŽ‰๐ŸŽ‰

What do you think?

Written by Desewa Martins

Writer. Blogger. Child of God. Foodie. A lover of everything beautiful who is driven by the passion to tell the stories and journey of the human lives through personal experiences.

17 Comments

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  1. Nice piece of work dear. Your hands & pen are seasoned with Grace. Keep writing & never stop believing. For me, I believe love in any way is beyond the feelings though, it’s a way of life. And I also believe that we get what we give. But sometimes we ain’t very lucky with love but it does not take away the fact Love is Real & there are genuinely & true love. One day we will surely find that special someone. Maybe he or she is also reading this, you never can tell. ๐Ÿ˜ƒ ๐Ÿ˜ƒ

  2. What’s holding me back? Well, I can’t put my heart on my sleeve because that’s a dangerous place to be. I, like you also live behind wall, tall thirty feet walls which I never leave. I never leave it and I believe anyone who’s worth loving will take the time to either chip down the walls or climb over. Heart break hurts like a sucker and you’re strong for enduring it so many times.
    I enjoyed reading this post. Thanks for sharing.

  3. After i had my heart broke the first time, it has been really difficult to give love another chance. But i do hope love comes around soon.

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