Hey Fam! How are you all doing? How has the social distancing been so far? I hope you are still keeping your cool and maintaining a good level of positivity?
For me, I am an ambivert, so I am not really big on going out and stuff. But I must admit though, I miss being able to go out and go about my daily hustle/activity.
I am okay sha lol, staying indoors is not so bad either. I am also happy to announce to you that I have started making progress with some of the personal struggles I shared with you all, thank God for help!
I have started making some progress and I am loving it, I just finished reading a book I have been reading since last year Fam! it is not going to change overnight, but I am grateful for the Holy Spirit who is a constant help every day!
One of the things I have been focusing on this period is my prayer life and my relationship with God. I just really want to pray more and spend more time with God. It seems so hard to do so when work, hustle, and life generally get in the way.
I am really taking advantage of this period to communicate more, lay everything before the Father, gear up up some level of faith.
Truth is emotionally and health-wise, I have not been the happiest these past few months, I have been smiling on the outside and crying inside and I tried to put up the brave face for my mum, my friends and myself just so I don’t break down.
My prayer life has been shaky and inconsistent because of that.
So I will let you in on a small gist; I was scheduled for surgery on the 27 of January. Do you know how anxious one gets when they find out they are going to be having surgery? Minor or Major? I really hope you never have to!
It’s crazy fam! Different thoughts go through your mind, the good, the bad lol, nights where you can’t sleep.
So far, my surgery has been postponed thrice this year, first, the doctor had to go on leave, the second time the doctors went on strike, the third time they suspended their clinic till the Covid19 issue is over.
Hmm…going to the hospital, the back and forth, seeing some form of negligence on the part of the doctors and the Nigerian health care system has been really draining!
The worse part is the fact that during this period, the nasal polyps kept growing and increasing. What was not so visible became something everyone could easily see, I stopped taking pictures, I stopped looking people in the eyes.
Basically, my self-esteem started getting tampered with, I will look at myself in the mirror and literally get heartbroken. Every single moment of idleness gives room for thoughts of the situation and depression begins to kick in.
I could not pray, I was too upset to pray, I did not even know where to start or what to pray about because anytime I pray, something pops up. I was not sure if the doctor will not come up to say he wants to go and fight Covid19 in China this time, I just did not care or did not want to bother anymore abeg.
It is a lot to deal with!
I got tired of masking my pain; I decided to rugged it! Go to Baba like that; prepared or unprepared, requests arranged or not! I just needed to vent and pour out my heart. Especially to Someone who does not just know how I feel through my words but sees deep down in my heart and know how much I am hurting.
This period gave me the opportunity to do that, I prayed it all out, vented, complained, broke down and be like “Dad, this and this is what your word said; and this and that is what I truly want”. I told him I was losing my mind, myself, my peace and my patience.
The next morning…something was different! I do not know what happened, but I realized that I fully handed it over to the One who is able to change any situation at all. The One who makes sure the birds of the air do not have to worry about a thing. The One who heals, the One who is able to calm every storm, no matter the level.
It was my situation, but it is not really my burden to carry, so right now
I am trying to worry less, be patient, trust the process, and leave it to Him who is able to fix; I mean, He’s got the power! Abi now!
I am also super excited because my girls and I started our prayer group Yay!
I recently wrote out a weekly prayer plan for myself that I hope to stay committed to so help me God lol.
I just want to encourage you to do the same (Pray).
Amidst the movies and chilling, staying home and staying safe, take time to pray about everything! No matter how crazy it looks or disorganized it is, see eh? Just pray! Do not tell me there is not much to pray about, Covid19 is definitely something to pray about, your peace and your sanity is something to pray about as well.
Prayer is not a thing for the holiest people (though, there is none as Holy as the Lord), neither is it for perfect people. Simply put, it is for you and me! So that we do not go worrying about the things we do not have the power or control over. So that we do not just pretend to be happy on the outside and be sad on the inside.
I read in a devotional that prayers are not just a means of communication with God. It is a means of checking the health of our relationship with God. Ouuu! I felt that lol!
The place of prayer is something that is built over time. Am I there yet? No sir, No ma’am! But I am working towards that too!
So tell me! Have you been praying? If you have not been doing so, do you want to? My advice? you should…totally!
Need some encouragement? Feel free to hit me up, let’s pray together!🙏🏻🙏🏻