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Dismantling The Culture Of Shame

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Can we just move past this ignorance called protecting one’s image or protecting the family name from the criticism of the society to facing the issues that affect us daily as individuals and society? Can we talk about sex? Can we talk about molestation? Can we talk about sexual abuse without feeling awkward or ashamed?


Growing up in a family where almost everyone is in the military and paramilitary, the issue of child molestation is not a new thing to me and it is almost like an everyday thing, I have seen family members work on cases of children who are so under-aged and were not even up to 10 years of age being abused by guidance, neighbors and people their parents trust especially in the rural communities where most of them are not educated. Even the educated ones are still going about with this mindset.


The sad part about it is that most of the time, these cases are settled with “ I beg” or “I would not want people to be looking at my child or my family in some type of way”. These cases do not even see the light of day because the families are too ashamed to take have their names in the news and in the society.


I do have a question though, have we ever stopped to think about the effect of this evil act on the victims? How we let pedophiles go Scot-free because we are “ashamed”? why do we let our children fall victim to what they should not because we are ashamed? Why do we make our children so scared that they cannot ask us questions about what we were so ashamed to tell them in the first place?


Come to think of it, we are ashamed of everything! We are ashamed of talking to our children about sex, we are ashamed of educating them on their body parts and the boundaries that come with them. Oh! Guess what? School teachers are also ashamed to talk about it, they find the most “appropriate” to teach sex education, they dodge questions that they are being asked because they are ashamed.


Forgetting that we leave in an age where children know a lot than adults and if they are not properly guided, they will go about believe the lies that molesters tell them, or practicing what they should not out of curiosity.


Towards the end of the year, there was another case of child molestation. Something that has become a household name. A young girl was held hostage from evening to morning of the next and molested by a kiosk owner after she was sent to buy something.


I was heartbroken to find out that the culprit was released after three days because his brother was begging a lot. They released him and told him to leave that community. In my mind, I am like “is that even enough?” so the pedophile is going to leave that community for a while and settle in another. Maybe he decides to be sober for a few months…then he resumes his evil act again. Then someone’s daughter or son’s life is ruined again.


I was more disgusted when I found out people were saying it serves her to write because she is an “alone” meaning that she loves to beg. Even though I cannot seem to wrap my head around what that means or how that relates, I do know that people’s lives are going to keep getting ruined until we face this issues head o! from educating our children about sex and boundaries to making sure that the children do live their lives knowing that the person who tried to ruin it is out there living their best lives and hurting more people

If education is power then sex education is a powerful fighter! No dey shame o…



Emah Purple March 3, 2020 - 3:05 pm

We live is a society where toxic people are “protected”. In Nigeria, when cases of abuse, especially in children come up. The community often blames the victim and not the culprit. Good job speaking about the important issues Dee

Desewa Martins March 3, 2020 - 3:59 pm

I hope this mentality changes, I hope culprits get the punishment they deserve and I hope someday people can really speak up about abuse without being judged. Thank you Emah Purple!


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