Hey FAM! It’s literally been a year but it sure feels so good to be back! I can’t believe 2018 is about to be over. Grateful is the word that describes how I feel right now.
So few months ago, I read a book titled Landmark by Bill Devaux. Great book I must say, in the seventh landmark which was titled Bond; Bill wrote something that literally blew my mind. I had to place my hand on my head and be like ‘yeh! How true!”. It goes thus; “I am afriad that much of what we call our personality may be more of a constructed facade built over time to make ourselves acceptable to others.
Whatever makes us appear more beautiful, more appealing, more successful is what we offer to those around us. Whatever makes us look weak or ugly, we bury underground, hoping no one will ever find it”.
Truth is, we are all imperfect, I am imperfect and you are imperfect. I feel like the reasons why we try to hide these things sometimes is not to appear weak or just so certain people don’t walk away from our lives. Some day, somehow or some situation is going to bring out that imperfect or ugly side of our lives.
Two things are going to happen here; the first is, some people are going to walk out of your life, temporarily or permanently. The second thing is some people are going to stay and try their best to help you pull through.
Let me give you a little insight to one of my own imperfections. I really do not know if it’s an imperfection or an idea that I do not fully understand yet. I used to struggle with high expectations. I know at some point we all are supposed to have expectations in anything we do or we are in but expecting people to always be a certain way or to do a certain thing is actual a problem.
I remember expecting people I was friends with years ago to still be the same or still have some certain form of relationship with me, I remember my first boyfriend telling me that I cling unto people too much and I expect too much , saying such attitude might keep getting me heart broken. At some point in my life I had always expected people to do the same things I do to them to me. Remembering birthdays, showing care, reaching out. Truth be told once again all it leads to is disappointment and heartbreaks and it has turned some people off.
The sad part is, then i did not even realise that i was doing that. To me i was not getting as much love as i was giving and it was really breaking my heart .
I never understood that when you tend to expect people to always do certain things for you or behave in a certain matter to you all the time is quite a burden to them.
People are always going to be people, the same way I get disappointed at certain people for not doing certain things that I expect them to do, is the same way I believe someone, somewhere, somehow is disappointed at something they expected me to do and I failed to.
Bottom line is, I’ve learnt that expectations to some extent are vain, that is why most relationships, friendships and marriages fail. We always expect people to be the same. We humans are naturally prone to so many factors that causes us to change and fail.
* So what did I decide to do?
Most important thing i realized and recognized is that humans are humans, I decide to work more on my relationship with God; I was thinking ” how come I do not channel all the energy I give to people to God?” I could have been a whole lot better. I realized that sometimes the reason why we hold on so tight to certain people or certain relationships is because we’ve always seen it as a form of affirmation, which is right; sometimes we need some people’s approval or comment or presence before we feel like we are doing well for ourselves.
I have been spending more of time improving myself. Giving people the room to be humans is also a great way to stop having high-high expectations.
Most times, people with high expectations or expectant people are actually resistant to changes, at least I for one can confirm that. You get scared of who you will be or what you will become when certain people are not always there with you.
All in all, be real! Be you! Love if you’re gonna love, care because you truly do and not because you expect the same in return. At least not all the time. You will definitely make mistakes along the way but the most important thing is that God is always going to be there for us. At least he does not switch up on you and He loves you regardless.
Okay okay! This is where I drop my pen on this. I promise more exciting post and hot gist before the year rounds up.
Thanks for reading! Love ya and see ya!